The Puppet Master

četvrtak, 06.07.2006.

Ja, Lucifer

Evo neš sitno iz knige "Ja, Lucifer" (iliti "I, Lucifer") by Glen Duncan. Da skratim, Lucifer je odlučio ispričati svoju stranu priče. Što se tiče redaka koje sam prepisala, nije mi se dalo tražiti nešto smješnije (a ima dosta toga -smješnoga-), ali ni ovo nije za bacit. Isplati se pročitati cijelu knjigu ;)

--- Lucifer je u crkvi i do njega dolazi Gabrijel s ponudom od Boga ---


"Odavno se nismo vidjeli, Lucifer."
Gabrijel. Ne šalju Rafaela, jer se boje da bi prebjegao. Ne šalju Mihaela - boje se da bi podlegao gnjevu, a budući da se srditost nalazi na trećem mjestu top-liste Sedam smrtnih grijeha, to bi bila pobjeda za Vašeg sa štovanjem se bilježim. (Kao što je bio slučaj, kad smo već kod toga, kad se Isukrst raspigao zbog kamatara u hramu, činjenica koju teolozi beziznimno previđaju.)
"Gabrijel. Potrčko. Svodnik. Makro. Stari moj, nemoj mi zamjeriti, ali zaudaraš na Njegovo gospodstvo." Zapravo, Gabrijel miriši, metaforički, na origano, kamen i polarnu svjetlost, a njegov me glas probada poput teškog svjetlećeg mača. U takvim uvjetima razgovor zapinje.
"Lucifere, boli te."
"Ali kofedon sjajno odolijeva. Marija još uvijek čuva svoj djevojački cvjetak za mene?"
"Znam da je tvoj bol silan."
"A postaje silniji svake sekunde. Što želiš, dušo?"
"Nosim ti poruku."
"Quelle surprise! Odgovor je ne. Ili odjebi. Budi kratak, to je najvažnije."
Ono o boli nije bila šala. Zamislite smrt od raka (svih organa) sabijenu u nekoliko minuta - fraktalno šireća agonija koja se uvlači u svaku vašu pukotinu. Predosjećao sam da će mi početi curiti krv iz nosa. Da ću obilno povratiti. Teško sam obuzdavao drhturenje.
"Gabriele, rago, čuo si za kronične alergije na kikiriki, zar ne?"
On se malo povuče i smanji napon. Refleksivno sam proširio svoje prisuće do samoga ruba materijalnog svijeta; već se pojavila pukotina u apsidi. Da ste bili tamo, možda biste pomislili da je oblak prešao preko sunca ili da se na Manhattanu zahukava jedna od njegovih grom-i-pakao oluja.
"Moraš poslušati što ti imam reći."
"Moram li?"
"Volja Gospodnja."
"Pa ako je posrijedi volja Gospodnja --"
"Želi da dođeš kući."

nedjelja, 02.07.2006.

The Raven

The Raven
by Edgar Allan Poe
First Published in 1845

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
" 'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door;
Only this, and nothing more."


Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow, sorrow for the lost Lenore,.
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore,
Nameless here forevermore.


And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me---filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
" 'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door,
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door.
This it is, and nothing more."


Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is, I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you." Here I opened wide the door;---
Darkness there, and nothing more.


Deep into the darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word,
Lenore?, This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word,
"Lenore!" Merely this, and nothing more.


Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping, something louder than before,
"Surely," said I, "surely, that is something at my window lattice.
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore.
Let my heart be still a moment, and this mystery explore.
" 'Tis the wind, and nothing more."


Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven, of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door.
Perched upon a bust of Pallas, just above my chamber door,
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.


Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven thou," I said, "art sure no craven,
Ghastly, grim, and ancient raven, wandering from the nightly shore.
Tell me what the lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore."
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."


Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning, little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door,
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as "Nevermore."


But the raven, sitting lonely on that placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered; not a feather then he fluttered;
Till I scarcely more than muttered, "Other friends have flown before;
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before."
Then the bird said, "Nevermore."


Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master, whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster, till his songs one burden bore,---
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never---nevermore."


But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore --
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking "Nevermore."

Thus I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl, whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o'er
She shall press, ah, nevermore!


Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor.
"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee -- by these angels he hath
Sent thee respite---respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, O quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!"
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore!"


"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil!--prophet still, if bird or devil!
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate, yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted--
On this home by horror haunted--tell me truly, I implore:
Is there--is there balm in Gilead?--tell me--tell me I implore!"
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."


"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil--prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that heaven that bends above us--by that God we both adore--
Tell this soul with sorrow laden, if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden, whom the angels name Lenore---
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels name Lenore?
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."


"Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!" I shrieked, upstarting--
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! -- quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."


And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming.
And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted---nevermore!



Prevedeno na finski

Korppi
(The Raven - 1845 by Edgar Allan Poe)
Translation by Niilo Idman


Kerran, kun ma raukeasti tutkin keskiyöhön asti
kirjaa, jossa polvet menneet seuloo salatietojaan,
kuului koputusta jostain -- havahtuin ja päätä nostain
mietin, liekö kammioistain ääni moinen tullutkaan.
Ulkona kai seisoo joku oveani kolkuttain,
myöhä vieras on se vain.

Unhottaa en voi ma tuota -- lieden kylmenevän luota
joka hiille sammuessaan varjonsa loi lattiaan.
Varroin päivän pilkahdusta -- kirjoista hain lohdutusta --,
mutta kauas murhe musta mieleni vei harhaamaan.
Ah, Lenore, suloimmyt mailla enkelten nyt on;
täällä tyhjyys pohjaton.

Kahistessa uutimien -- talven viiman tuutimien --
jouduin valtaan hurjan kammon, kuin en ennen milloinkaan.
Vihdoin sentään pois sen hääsin -- tunteitteni herraks pääsin,
kun ma kauan hoin ja sääsin: kohta siitä selvän saan --
ulkona kai seisoo joku oveani kolkuttain,
myöhä vieras on se vain.

Kirvoituksen hetki löi nyt -- enempää en epäröinyt --:
"Anteeks suokaa", lausuin, "mutta vasta juuri havahduin.
Otin pienen torkahduksen -- totta kyllä takaa uksen
heikon kuulin koputuksen, vaan sen miltei harhaks luin."
Oven vinhaan auki työnsin -- edessäni säpsähtäin
pelkän pimeyden näin.

Pitkään siihen tuijottelin -- uudet tuskan vaiheet elin,
mukaansa kun taas mun tempas pyörteet unten hurjimpain.
Mutta mykkänä kuin mana tyhjyys muuttumattomana
pysyi, kunnes yksi sana ilmoille nous korahtain --
kunnes alta ahdistuksen äännetyksi sain 'Lenore'.
Kaiku vastas vain 'Lenore'.

Viimein oven lukkoon käänsin, mielin raskain tieni käänsin
takaisin -- ja koputusta kuulin hiukan kovempaa.
Tällä kertaa ikkunalta lie se tullut -- mutta malta,
avata tuo mull' on valta, salat kaikki paljastaa.
Hetkeks tyynny, sydämeni, koputuksen uuden kai
tuuli yksin aikaan sai.

Luukku aueta kun ehti, sisään tulla hyppelehti
korppi, joka mukanansa muinaisuuden tunnun toi.
Luokseni sen mistä sainkaan, tässä kursailtu ei lainkaan --
ryhti herrain suurimpainkaan ylväämpi ei olla voi.
Päähän marmorisen Pallaan patsaan pyrähti se istumaan,
kuin ei muuta aikoiskaan.

Ilme tuima linnun vakaan lauhtunut ei hituistakaan,
kun se kesken murheenikin hymyn loihti huulillein,
"Töyhtö vaikk' on viety sulta, et sa näytä nolatulta --
vielä silmäs iskee tulta --, nimes lausu yksin tein.
Nimes lausu, jolla sua ikiyössä mainitaan."
Korppi huus: "Ei milloinkaan."

Noin kun vastas korppi musta, syvää tunsin kummastusta,
joskaan en sen vastaukseen mieltä saanut mahtumaan;
sillä ei kai tosissansa kukaan väitä muistavansa,
että hällä vieraanansa keskiyöllä huoneessaan
koskaan oisi ollut korppi -- keskiyöllä vieraanaan --
nimeltä 'ei milloinkaan'.

Hiljaisuutta kauan kesti -- istuimellaan ylhäisesti
korppi vuotti, kunnes päädyin puoliääneen huokaamaan:
"Suotta multa aikees salaat -- kohta lähteä sa halaat,
aamun tullen jälleen palaat ikiyöhön ankeaan.
Niinhän muutkin ystäväsi häipyneet on aikoinaan."
Korppi huus: "Ei milloinkaan."

Ihme väistyi ihmeen tieltä -- nyt se puhui järjen kieltä,
mutta ehkäpä ei muuta sanoa se tainnutkaan.
Ehkä joltain laulajalta, kohtalonsa murjomalta,
joka onnen kukkulalta suistui kuiluun alimpaan,
korppi kolkon kertosäkeen selvään oppi lausumaan:
-- milloinkaan -- ei milloinkaan.

Elkeet oudot korpin tiukan taas mua hymyilytti hiukan --
nojatuolin esiin työnsin, vaivuin silkkiin pehmeään.
Siinä mietin, siinä pohdin -- tapaukset tarkoin johdin
toisistansa kaikin kohdin päästäkseni tietämään,
mihin korppi kylmä, kuiva, karsas pyrki vaakkuissaan
yhä vain 'ei milloinkaan'.

Lamppu valoansa syyti -- sanat huulilleni hyyti
korpin katse sisimpääni kipeästi tunkeissaan.
Vaan tuo katkerin ja ainoin valtaansa mun jälleen sai noin,
kun ma raskaan pääni painoin pielukseni purppuraan:
siihen, ah, ei hänen päänsä lampunvaloon nuokkumaan
vaivu enää milloinkaan.

Sitten luulin tuntevani tuoksun vienon huoneessani,
niin kuin enkelit ois käyneet suitsutusta polttamaan.
"Vihdoin", huusin, "unhojuoman -- taivaan Herran mulle suoman --
enkeleitten mulle tuoman pohjaan tyhjentää ma saan!
Vihdoin irti muistoistansa kurjan päästä sallitaan!"
Korppi huus: "Ei milloinkaan."

"Turman lintu! Profeetasta käydä mielit -- kenties vasta
lähettinä tänne kiisit pimeyden ruhtinaan!
Näin siis kaikki harhat poista -- epätoivon pimennoista,
unelmaini raunioista sua kutsun vastaamaan:
Onko missään balsamia sydänhaavaan polttavaan?"
Korppi huus: "Ei milloinkaan."

"Turman lintu!" vastaan huusin -- "rukoukseni ma uusin:
kautta Luojan, jota kai myös ikiyössä palvotaan,
mulle kerro -- totta haasta -- enkö kerran murheen maasta
synkästä ja varjokkaasta löydä onnen valkamaan?
Eedenissä taas Leonoren povelleni painaa saan."
Korppi huus: "Ei milloinkaan."

"Valhetta sun kieles valaa! Lähde, ikiyöhös palaa --
sinne väisty, missä myrsky yhä kiitää raivoaan!
Nokkas sydämeeni hamaan iskit -- henkeni löit lamaan --,
silmäs tuskaan yhteen, samaan naulitsee mun taiallaan!
Häivy, ettei yksikään sulka käynnistäs jää kertomaan!"
Korppi huus: "Ei milloinkaan."

Turhaan pyydän armahdusta -- järkkymättä korppi musta
istuu päässä veistokuvan, hievahda ei paikaltaan.
Unelmissaan vain se mailla hornan liikkuu irvokkailla,
kun sen varjo aaveen lailla illoin kasvaa lattiaan --
varjo synkkä, raskas, josta sieluni ei nousemaan
pääse enää milloinkaan.

petak, 30.06.2006.

JOŠ MALO BEDASTOĆA

Bok, bok! Malo me dugo nema, ali eto... Hvela vam što mi dolazite na blog ;)
Evo nekoliko novih gluposti. Pretpostavljam da većina zna engleski? o_O Barem se nadam...
Sve ove "upute" su sa www.wikihow.com
P.S. otiđite na: www.ealasaid.com/misc/vsd --- tajni dnevnici Aragorna, Froda, Legolasa itd. (smiješno!)




HOW TO SHAVE YOUR BIKINI AREA COMPLETELY

Here are instructions on how to make this shaving a safe and easy part of your shower routine.

Steps
If the hair you want to shave is long, trim it to about half an inch in length with scissors before showering.
Start your shower and allow some time before you begin shaving so that your skin warms up and softens.
Begin shaving with your mons pubis. Wet the area with warm shower water and smooth shaving gel over it. You may want to invest in some shaving gel for this delicate area, even if you normally use soap for your legs and armpits, especially for your first time.
Briefly wet a fresh razor that you are familiar and comfortable with.
While standing, shave with long, slow, even strokes in the direction of hair growth. You can put your hand your stomach just above the mons pubis to make sure the skin over your mons pubis is smooth and taut. To prevent skin irritation, keep the strokes as smooth and long as possible. Use as few strokes as possible. Rinse your razor between strokes if it becomes clogged.
Shave as much off the mons pubis as you like, and then rinse off your shaving gel. Repeat steps 3 - 5 if you missed any spots.
For a closer shave, reapply shaving gel to the mons pubis and again using long, smooth strokes, shave in the opposite direction of the hair growth instead. Stop doing this immediately if you experience any irritation or pain.
Next, shave your inner thighs and labia. Choose which side you would like to shave first. It may be easier to start with the side opposite your dominant hand, i.e., if you're right-handed, start with your left side.
Place the foot on the side you want to shave on the shower wall, i.e., put your left foot on the wall if you're starting on your left side.
Bend at the waist to see the area you want to shave.
Wet the area and apply shaving gel to either the left or right inner thigh and labium, depending on which one you currently want to shave. Take care not to get any gel or other shower products in between the labia.
Again using your smooth strokes, shave with horizontal strokes from the outside in, i.e., if you're shaving your left side, shave from left to right. Use a light touch. Stop each stroke before the end of the labium in the center. You may want to spread your legs further apart to keep the skin you're shaving taut, so that you won't run into any folded or wrinkled skin while you're shaving.
Rinse any excess shaving gel.
Repeat steps 9 - 13 with your opposite, unshaved side.
When you are done with your shower, gently pat your bikini area dry with a soft towel. You may want to apply a gentle, frangrance-free lotion on your mons pubis.



Tips
You will not be able to shave this way every day because the skin in your bikini area is delicate and sensitive. Allow at least a few days in between shaves. For a constantly hair-free look, you will have to get a wax.
You may experience a lot of itchiness as the hair grows back when you shave this area for the first time. However, if you are careful; use long, slow strokes when shaving; and use as few strokes as possible, that should minimize itching. Also, the itchiness usually disappears after a few shaves.



Warnings
Stop shaving immediately if you experience any irritation or cuts, and rinse your irritation or cut thoroughly with clear, running water.
Don't shave skin that is already irritated or is in any way not at its healthy prime.
Always use shaving gels, soaps, and lotions that you know your skin won't react to. Don't use a new bath product for the first time when doing this.



Things You'll Need
Warm shower
Moisturizing shaving gel that you have used before and know is not irritating to your skin
Women's manual razor in fresh condition, in a style you are comfortable using
Soft, clean towel
Gentle, fragrance-free lotion that you have used before and know is not irritating to your skin (Optional)

nedjelja, 28.05.2006.

R the birds gonna eat us, mommy?

Nema me dugo, nemam pristup kompu, pa... ;)
Evo malo savjeta kako da postanete Amiš .... lol

HOW TO BECOME AN AMISH

Joining the Amish will take perseverence and determination. Most of them are not the evangelical type; however, they do not have any rules or bylaws that prohibit membership by previously non-Amish folk.

Steps
Learn as much as you can about the Amish. There are many informative websites and books available that cover every aspect of Amish life.
Visit an Amish community. If you have one in your neighborhood, that is a good place to start. Otherwise, you will need to decide how far you are willing to travel. The Amish have communities from Maine to California, and from Canada to Florida. Most of them are clustered around Pensylvania and Ohio, with many more in the Midwest. If possible, try to hit several communities on your trip.
If you still wish to join after visiting one or several communities, you need to decide in which commmunity you would like to join. Develope a short list of about 3 to 5 communities, and contact the leading bishop of that community. Finding the leading bishop should not be too difficult; if the community is on your short list, you have probably already visited it and hopefully developed some contacts there who can help you. The bishop may either flat out reject your request, or he may schedule an interview.
If you get an interview with a bishop, go into it with an open mind, and be candid and honest with the bishop. If he agreed to an interview with you, he will most likely be open-minded too.
Once you have made it this far, the bishop and the other church members will assist you in the many tasks associated with joining the Amish. These will include finding a house within horse and buggy distance, purchasing a horse and buggy, and working through the many other lifestyle adjustments that will be required to successfully make the transition from non-Amish to Amish.



Tips
The Budget is a weekly Amish publication from Sugarcreek, Ohio. It can be a goldmine of information from all different Amish communities.
Most Amish do not have telephone or Internet access, so you will need to rely heavily on the postal service in your correspondences.



Warnings
Do not be too hasty to take pictures in your visits. The Amish do not allow cameras and might look askance at a potential convert who is photographing them.
Don't expect every community to be receptive. They are widely varied and some groups are hostile to outsiders. (some groups will be open and friendly)
Be cautious when reading about the Amish. The most accurate information will come from an Amish writer or one who has a close relationship with them.



Things You'll Need
Lots of determination
Patience
An open mind



A evo kako ćete postati Mormon... hehehe

JOIN THE MORMON CHURCH
The Mormon Church represents God's Kingdom here on earth and invites all people to come unto Christ by believing in Him, repenting, being baptized and enduring to the end. The best way to learn about Mormonism is from members or the Mormon missionaries.

Steps
Learn more about what Mormons really believe. This can be more difficult than it sounds. The best source is a member of the Mormon Church or the missionaries. You can also get literature about Mormonism from the Mormon Church's website.
Meet with Mormon missionaries. These young men and women devote up to two years of their lives to teaching others about the Gospel of Jesus Christ and do so without any pay. Approach them on the street when you see or them or invite them in when they knock on your door. If you don't see them around you, have them come to you using the Mormon Church's website.
Read the Book of Mormon. This book is central to Mormon beliefs. Read it with an open mind and heart and compare its teachings to the Bible. Be sure to read the account of Jesus' visit to the Americas beginning in 3 Nephi chapter 11.
Attend worship services at the nearest Mormon chapel to you. Look it up in the phone book or online at the Chapel locator on the Church's website. When you're there, listen to the messages that are taught and talk to members around you.
Ponder and pray about the things you have been taught. Find a quiet place in your home or in a park. Kneel down and talk to your Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ. Ask Him to tell you if the Book of Mormon is true. The Holy Spirit will testify that these things are true.
When you know it's true, accept the Mormon missionaries' invitation to be baptzied as a testimony to others and to God that you have accept Jesus Christ and want to follow Him.
Be confirmed a member of the Mormon Church by a Priesthood holder who will give you the Holy Spirit to be your constant companion. Congratulations!



Tips
If you are not already a Christian, read the Bible, especially the New Testament and learn about the life of Our Savior, Jesus Christ.
Don't be afraid to ask questions from the missionaries or challenge them as to why they believe in the Book of Mormon.
The Community of Christ is a Mormon church that was started by Joseph Smith III and that is more similar to mainline Christianity and is a great church to join if you wish to keep some of your mainline Christian beliefs i.e. the Trinity.



Warnings
Avoid people who claim they know more about Mormon beliefs than a Mormon does or that he has "secret" teachings that Mormons will not share. There are no such "secret" teachings.
Avoid hate literature which tries to distort what Mormons really believe and make it look silly or weird. Talk to someone who really believes in the Book of Mormon instead.
Be careful not to jump to conclusions, permit prejudices or rumor, never distort what you learn; go to the source!
There are so called Mormon fundamentalists churchs that still practice Polygamy and the Adam-God theory but they are considered apostate Mormons by the Mormon church.



Things You'll Need
A Book of Mormon
An open heart and a believing mind
A quiet place to read and pray

četvrtak, 11.05.2006.

bog i hrvati u stripu

ja nacrtala

srijeda, 10.05.2006.

My Chemical Romance

nedjelja, 07.05.2006.

Murphy

Murphyevi zakoni

Murphyjeva filozofija
Nasmiješite se... Sutra će biti još gore!

Zakoni o ljubavi
Sve dobre žene su zauzete!
Ako neka osoba nije zauzeta, postoji dobar razlog zašto!
Što je netko ljepši, to je taj (ta) dalje od vas!
Pamet x ljepota x pristupačnost = konstanta
Količina ljubavi koju netko osjeća prema vama je inverzno proporcionalna količini ljubavi koju vi osjećate za tu osobu!
Novcem ne možete kupiti ljubav, ali vam daje veliku prednost!
Najbolje stvari na svijetu su besplatne - i vrijede svakog novčića kojeg ste dali za njih!
Svaka ljubazna akcija nema baš tako ljubaznu reakciju!
Dobri dečki(djevojke) svršavaju zadnji!
Ako se čini predobro da bi bila istina, vjerojatno jest!
Pristupačnost je funkcija vremena. Trenutak kada vas zainteresira, one pronađu nekog drugog!

Murphyjevi zakoni o seksu
Što je ljepša žena koja vas voli, to će vam je biti lakše ostaviti i bez grižnje savjesti!
Ništa se ne poboljšava sa godinama!
Unatoč tome što ste ga imali mnogo puta, ako je ponuđeno uzmite jer nikada neće biti isto.
Seks nema kalorija!
Seks uzima najmanje vremena, ali zadaje najviše problema!
Nema boljeg lijeka za seks od seksa!
Seks je poput snijega: nikad ne znaš koliko ćeš centimetara dobiti i koliko će dugo trajati!
Ako ih zgrabiš za jaja, njihova srca i umovi će te pratiti!
Djevičanstvo se može izliječiti!
Kada vas žena počne razumijevati, to je trenutak kada vas je prestala slušati!
Nikada ne spavajte s nikime tko je luđi od vas!
Kvalitete na muškarcu koje privuku ženu su obično one iste koje ona ne može podnositi godinama kasnije!
Seks je izopačen samo onda kada ga se pravilno vodi!
Uvijek je krivi dan u mjesecu...
Kada su svjetla ugašena, sve su žene prekrasne!
Seks je nasljedan. Ako ga vaši roditelji nisu imali, velika je vjerojatnost da ga ni vi nećete imati!
Što mlađe, to bolje!
Nije kriva jabuka na drvetu, već je par na zemlji skrivio ono što se dogodilo u raju!
Seks diskriminiraju oni koji su sramežljivi ili ružni!
Prije nego pronađete svojeg lijepog kraljevića (kraljevnu), morate poljubiti mnogo žaba!
Možda ima nekih stvari koje su bolje od seksa, ili koje su lošije od seksa. Ali ne postoji niti jedna stvar koja je ista kao seks!
Ljubite svoju susjedu (susjeda), ali nastojte da vas se ne uhvati!
Ljubav je rupa u srcu!
Ljubav je predmet kemije, seks je predmet fizike!
Radite to samo s najboljima!
Seks je riječ od četiri slova kojoj nedostaju zastarjele riječi od pet slova da pojasne značenje!
Jednim pametnim okretom rješavate se dobrog dijela pokrivača!
Ne možete napraviti jednu bebu u mjesec dana tako što ćete oploditi devet žena!
Ljubav je pobjeda mašte nad inteligencijom!
Bolje je barem jednom voliti, nego ne voliti nikada!
Ne počini preljuba... osim ako nisi tako raspoložen!
Nikada ne spavajte sa ženom koja ima više problema od vas samih!
Suzdržavajte se od vina, žena i pjesama... Većinom pjesama!
Nikada se ne svađajte sa ženom koja je umorna ili odmorna!
Žena nikada ne zaboravlja kakvog je muškarca mogla imati, a muškarac nikada ne zaboravlja ženu koju nije mogao imati!
Nije bitna dužina čarobnog štapića, već čarolije koja je u njemu!
Bolje da vas se vidi nego previdi!
Nikada ne recite ne!
Muškarac može biti sretan sa bilo kojom ženom, sve dokle god ju ne voli!
Ljepota je samo površna, ružnoća ide sve do kostiju!
Nikada nemojte stajati između drveta i psa!
Muškarac je samo muškarac, ali dobar motor je prava vožnja!
Seks je jedan od razloga za reinkarnaciju, ovi ostali su nevažni!
Smiješite se, to tjera ljude da se pitaju o čemu razmišljate!
Nemojte to činiti, ako ne možete to izgurati do kraja!
Nema razlike između mudrog čovjeka i budale kada se zaljube!
Nikada nemojte ići u krevet ljuti, ostanite i borite se!
Ljubav je iluzija da se jedna žena razlikuje od druge!
"Ovo neće boljeti, obećavam!"

Općenito
Ništa nije tako lagano kao što izgleda!
Svemu treba duže nego što mislite!
Ako nešto može poći po krivu, poći će po krivu!
Ako postoji barem malena mogućnost da nekoliko svari odjedanput krene krivo, ona stvar kojaće uzrokovati najviše štete će poći po krivu!
Ako neka stvar može poći po krivu u neki još gori trenutak, onda će se tada to i dogoditi!
Ako jednostavno baš ništa ne može poći po krivu, ipak hoće!
Stvari prepuštene samima sebi obično kreću sa lošega na još gore!
Majka priroda je kurva!
Nemoguće je bilo što napraviti otporno na budale, jer su budale tako ingeniozne!
Kada god nešto krenete napraviti, prije toga morate napraviti još nešto!
Svako rješenje donosi još problema!


Zakon istraživanja
Dovoljno istraživanja obično podržava vašu teoriju!

Zakon otvorenih cesta
Ako pretpostavimo da postoji vrlo dugačka cesta na kojoj je postavljen jednosmjerni most te da se dva automobila nalaze na toj cesti, slijedi da uvijek ta dva automobila idu suprotnim smjerovima te da će se uvijek susresti na mostu!

Zakon termodinamike
Stvari se obično pogoršavaju pod pritiskom!

Murphyjeva konstanta
Stvar će biti oštećena proporcionalno svojoj vrijednosti!

Kvantatizacija Murphyjevih zakona
Sve stvari kreću po krivu istovremeno!

Murphyjevi tehnološki zakoni
Ne možete otkriti kojim je smjerom otišao vlak gledajući u tračnice!
Logika je sistematski način kako samouvjereno doći do krivog zaključka!
Kada se god neki sustav definira, neka budala otkrije nešto koje ili uništi sustav ili ga toliko proširi da zbog toga postane neprepoznatljiv!
Tehnologijom dominiraju oni koji rade sa onime što ne razumiju!
Kada bi građevinari gradili zagrade onako kao što progameri pišu programe, tada bi prvi djetlić koji naiđe uništio civilizaciju!
Stručnjak je onaj koji zna sve više i više o sve manjem i manjem dok ne sazna sve o ničemu!
Reci čovjeku da u svemiru ima 300 milijardi zvijezda i vjerovat će ti, ali reci mu da je ova klupa pored njega upravo obojana i morat će je dotaknuti prstom da se uvjeri!
Velika otkrića dogodila su se greškom!
Ništa se ne napravi na vrijeme i u granicama budžeta!
Sve je dobro što se završi!
Sastanak je događaj u kojemu se štede minute a gube sati!
Greška se neđe pokazati sve dok jedinica ne prođe završnu kontrolu!
Novi sustavi generiraju nove probleme!
Griješiti je ljudski, no potrebno je računalo da bi se stvari zaista zabrljale!
Mi ne znamo niti milijunti dio od jedan posto o ničemu!
Bilo koji program, dok se koristi, je zastario!
Računalo napravi u dvije sekunde isto toliko grešaka koliko naprave 20 ljudi za 20 godina!
Ništa ne motivira čovjeko nego kada vidi šefa kako je barem jedan dan pošteno radio!
Neki se ljudi ravnaju prema knjizi, iako katkad ne znaju tko je napisao tu knjigu ili o kojoj se knjizi uopće radi!
Ako želite odabrati ili prepoznati stručnjaka, izaberite onog koji predviđa da će posao trajati najduže i najviše koštati!
Nakon što je sve napravljeno i rečeno, puno više toga je rečeno nego napravljeno!
Svaka sprava mora sadržavati barem jedan dio koji je zastario, dva dijela koja seviše ne mogu kupiti i tri dijela koja su još u fazi razvijanja!
Ako matematički na kraju dobijete krivi rezultat, pokušajte ga pomnožiti sa brojem stranica!
Računala su nepouzdana, ali je čovjek još nepouzdaniji. Svaki sistem koji ovisi o čovjekovoj pouzdanosti je nepouzdan!
Ako nešto ne možete shvatiti, onda je to intsiktivno očito!
Napunite ono što je prazno. Ispraznite ono što je puno. Posvrbite se tamo gdje svrbi!
Sve su stvari moguće osim skijanja kroz rotirajuća vrata!
Radite pametnije a ne vrijednije. I pazite na svoj izgovor!
Ako nije u računalu, onda to ne postoji!
Ako neki pokus uspije, onda nešto nije u redu!
Kada sve propadne, pročitajte uputstva!
Sve što ode gore, mora jednom i pasti dolje!
Svaki predmet kada padne će se otkotrljati u najnepristupačniji kut.
Svaka jednostavna teorija će biti objašnjena na najkompliciraniji mogući način!
U bilo kojem skupu podataka onaj podatak koji je najočiglednije ispravan, bez ikakve potrebe za provjerom, jest pogreška!
Nikad nema vremena da se nešto napravi kako valja, ali uvijek ima vremena da se to učini ponovo!
Napravi sustav koji i budala može koristiti, pa će ga samo budala i htjeti koristiti.

Vojni zakoni
Nikada ne dijelite rov se nekime tko je hrabriji od vas!
Niti jedan ratni plan ne preživi susret s neprijateljem!
Prijateljska vatra to nije!
Najopasnija stvar u ratnoj zoni je časnik sa mapom!
Problem kada se želi pobjeći lakšim putem je to što ga je neprijatelj već minirao!
Sistem prijatelja je dobar, omogućuje neprijatelju da puca u drugog!
Što ste dalje napredovali od svoje osnovne pozicije, to je veća vjerojatnost da ćeteška artiljerija zapucati prekratko!
Nadolazeća vatra ima pravo prolaska!
Ako dobro napredujete, očekuje vas zasjeda!
Čovjek koji dijeli odore ima samo dvije veličine, preveliku i premalu!
Ako vam stvarno treba hitno časnik, odrijemajte malo!
Jedini trenutak kada obustava paljbe zapravo funkcionira jest kada se puca na napuštene pozicije!
Jedina stvar koja je preciznija od nadolazeće neprijateljske paljbe, je nadolazeća prijateljska paljba!
Ništa nije tako dobro kao kada netko cilja u vas i promaši!
Ako vas vaš narednik može vidjeti, može i neprijatelj!

četvrtak, 04.05.2006.

Tko je rekao? Pile je reklo!

Znate li što je to malo, zeleno i trokutasto? Pogađajte... ;)


You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison

in the middle of a gun fight
in the center of a restaurant
they say: "come with your arms raised high"
well they're never gonna get me
like a bullet through a flock of doves
to wage this war against your faith in me
your life will never be the same
on your mothers eyes say a prayer
say a prayer

utorak, 02.05.2006.

!

Ajde da napišem što slušam. ;) Sad sam počela slušati My Chemical Romance, ne znam zašto, ali baš su mi dobri, slušam Godsmack, Metallicu i takve stvari (ponekad System). Ne mogu se sad sjetiti svega :) naporno mi je to (razmišljanje)... I evo kratak scenarij mog brata, za one koji nisu bili na njegovom blogu ;) :
Bog i Hrvati
--------------------------------------
(bog se pripremao da potopi cijeli svijet....opet. bilo mu je dosadno. ali je morao spasiti nekoga....opet pa je odlučio spasiti hrvate.

bog:isuse ,sine ostavi taj plejboj i idi u hrvatsku
isus:warum?
bog:moras odabrati covjeka koji ce reci svim hrvatima da naprave veliki brod.
isus:dobro...koga?
bog: cekaj.......(gleda u imenik) evo moze Neven Ciganovic
isus: ( sa podsmjehom) ajd dobro
(isus je stigao u hrvatsku, nasao je nevena u svlacionici)
isus: (nevenu) gdje ti je alat (iznenađeno) ??!?!
neven: dao sam ga odstraniti.... ipak ga više volim primati.
isus: doooobro, khm... bog ima vaznu misiju za tebe
neven : (gleda se u ogledalo) de opet to reci , nisam se dobro iznenadio.
isus: (začuđeno) ok... bog ima vaznu misiju za tebe
neven:isuse !
isus:sta je
neven : ma tako se kaze...
isus: reci svim hrvatima da moraju sagraditi veliki brod tako da se spase od poplave
neven: brod? voda?! ali šminka će mi se pokvarit.
isus: ovaj... da
neven sta da ponesem?
isus: pa samo parove, muskarce i zene
neven: a jel moze bit jedan par musko i musko?
isus: ne
neven: onda odjebi ... u 2 imam zakazanu operaciju laserskog uklanjajna dlaka iz šupka.
isus: (sa gađenjem) ajd dobro
isus: i tata , kome da se sada obratim
bog: sylvestreu stalloneu
isus: i silvestare , želiš li spasit hrvate
sly: čekaj da stavim jedan metak u pušku i pobijem cjeli vijetnam.
isus: pa ti i nisi Hrvat , zasto bi me tata uopće poslao k tebi ?
sly: pa da pisac ima nešt zanimljivo za napisat
isus: hm... da , logično. i onda tata koga da sada pitam
bog: žaka ''kindl'' houdeka
isus: (ugleda žaka, obraća se bogu) ti me zajebavaš?
bog: da
isus: e , ja mislim da nema nade
bog: spasit cemo neke kurve iz amsterdama , kad se potrose, stvorit cu ljude opet
isus:ok

ponedjeljak, 01.05.2006.

?

Ne, nisam baš temeljitA s postovima :) Spržio mi se komp. "Ono sa zvijeri" je inače iz Biblije, ali pjesma Maidena "The Number of the Beast" počinje tako... Ja sam iz Čepina, što vam je pokraj Osijeka.
Nego, htjela sam predložiti da odete na www.thebreakfastmonkey.com na link trailer i pogledate pilot epizodu tog crtića. Napravio ga je Gerard Way, frontman MCR-a. I usput mi kažite o čem se radi :)
EDIT!: Htjedoh još nešto reći... Samo malo, da se sjetim... E, da, predlažem još jednu stranicu sa (bolesnim) crtićima: www.fat-pie.com (posebnu pozornost obratiti na "Salad Fingers") ;)

nedjelja, 09.04.2006.

BLOG

Blog mog brata..... Strahota :)
kripl.blog.hr

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